Bonnie Gross

For the first time in my life, I took a step back. I had start climbing to the top, but I was unsure it was a climb I wanted to be on. I was not sure who I was anymore. I was simply a mass of matter getting through the craziness of each day.

Fast forward to driving cross country and moving into my first single apartment, and crazily shopping for furniture and anything to fill the walls. Then a week passed and the craziness all stopped. I finished moving all the furniture and unloading the boxes. I had cleaned the apartment 5 times over. It was just me, alone in my very clean apartment and for the first time in a long time, I had what people would call “down time.” I actually found myself with a lot of it.

What do I do with my down time? Surely, I have to have hobbies outside of work and writing. Right? I came to the scariest conclusion of them all, something I was scared to admit, but I no longer knew myself. I had no hobbies anymore, or worse I did not even know what I was interested in anymore.

People told me to go on Meetup or similar sites to find a group and go out and meet people with similar interests. What did I even like to do? All I’ve been doing in stressing over work and school for so long that I forgot what it was actually like to plan something for the pure purpose of fun. What did I enjoy doing other than stressing myself out?

So, then I went down a rabbit hole of looking up things to do and meet up groups and it is a struggle out there. For one, as a girl alone in a city that I don’t know, there are just some things I don’t feel comfortable going to alone. There are just some other groups that I know I won’t like. For example, the skiing group. I am sure you are all lovely people, but I found out at a young age that even the bunny hill was a disaster for me. The promise of sipping hot chocolate in the lodge only worked to get me to go back one time too many (just ask my mom how the Girl Scout ski trip went and you’ll know). Also, some sites are not for meeting friends, they are confusing dating sites so be careful folks.

In my strange google searching about meet up groups and events, I came across a quote from Carol Burnett tonight that reads, “only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.” I have no idea the context in which she is speaking, but the quote stuck with me. No one is going to give me some magical beans that would just fill all the time. If I’m not willing to go out there and do it for myself and find things that made me happy, then nothing will ever change. I would be forever stuck coming home to my terribly cooked dinners, re-watching Gilmore Girls for the fifth time.

I re-read a blog post I wrote on my 25^th birthday, which also coincides with the new year because they are 3 days apart. Yes, people forget about my birthday due to Christmas and New Year’s, and if you’re reading this I am now expecting double gifts because I get gypped some years (just kidding – but am I?). Anyways, I made a promise to myself that I was going to make decisions solely on the purpose of putting my happiness first. In case you are wondering how it’s going, well I just uprooted my life and don’t know what I am doing (so like really good I think).

So, now it is time. I will be leaving my house to try activities I have never tried next week in hopes that I like one of them. I am terrified to go do something completely new with complete strangers in a city that makes no sense to me still, but here we go. Here is to turning 26 soon and still having no idea what I’m doing. Updates to follow.

Until next time, please enjoy this photo of me on the set of my first video with It’s a Southern Thing…

The finished video can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXhSPLcVfvs&t=1s